BAM.
It falls through.
The lady in Seattle? She still wants us.
I still want to go.
But I don't think it's going to happen.
"Not under these conditions," someone said.
I hate Provo.
I hate my job.
I want OUT.
I feel like I'm a fish on dry land, slowly suffocating. Or better yet, I feel like a fish in a plastic carnival bag that is slowly leaking water. Yep. Like this:
I'm running out of room to breathe, to swim, to be happy and alive. And here comes this net, ready to scoop me up. But I can't tell if the net will drop me into the ocean where I can breathe and be free and happy, or if it will simply drop me into a small bowl where I will continuously swim in circles, surrounded by my own fecal matter.
So no, I don't think we are taking this Seattle job. "Not under these conditions." (Makes snide, mocking face.)
I'm pissed.
7 comments:
I TOTALLY TOTALLY know how you feel! It definitely sucks when you don't know what's going to happen and you're trying to make plans and move on with your life. I was ready to get out of Provo too and now I miss it like CRAZY! :) I feel like I'm still waiting for life to start. We've been in Dallas for 3 months now and Tyson still hasn't gotten paid and won't until November! Even then it will be extrememly minimal for a YEAR!! Enough to get by and we're going to have to defer our student loans for awhile- bleh! We're living on the very very last of our student loans plus credit cards, which we max out at the end of each month just to turn around and make a payment and then use it during the following month. Yeah, it's fun! :) Anyway, I know how you're feeling and just wanted to let you know you're not alone. What you're saying rings very clear to me. I know that prayers are answered, though and that the Lord is preparing something great for you guys. I think that once this year is over that things will be a lot better for us- we're just holding on! Good luck with everything. You're great! Love ya!
I'm sorry!
If it makes you feel any better...although the ocean may seem great and inviting.. a goldfish would die in it's salty waters. If it doesn't make you feel any better... I have a king sized symphony bar stashed away for these type of circumstance enducing moods. I could mail it your way. I hope things look up for you guys soon!
To continue with the metaphor, my friend Dory says: Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming :) you'll make it. there's a light.
Sarah--I'm sorry! I think I feel some of your pain... we left WyMount thinking we had the perfect job, and 18 months, a home, 1 more child, and a 2nd car later... we lose it. We're staying afloat, but it's not the cushy life we were hoping for... and I know, deep down, that in 20 (2 please!) years from now we will all have gotten through this--because let's be honest--there is no other option. But it's tough right now. Thinking of you!
well written...well described....
can almost feel your frustration....
Your are funny
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